the miracle starts with a storm

There is a place on the river where motorized boats are forbidden to go. A sacred space where the water calms and the anxiety of the city is held at bay by the towering trees through which the sun streams; tap dancing on the surface. Only those powered by the fast twitch muscles find their way to this tranquility where the trepidatious, driven, joyful heart beats against its bony confines; echoing back thankfulness for the day. Its here the silence presses in, drawing attention to the lapping water unaware the turbulence downstream where it heaves into the ocean. 

This, on my last night in my space with views of the river and city, I’m held captive by my sorrow in leaving this hiding place. From my perch I have watched the days unfold; participating or not as I felt moved, often waiting with baited breath for the sun to shower joy over the city and draw me out of the protective structure. It’s time to move forward. I have learned over the last 4 years that we medical students are never ready to take the next step; we merely tumble into it and discover we have grown at the end of the adventure; we are always poised at the edge of a cliff, sometimes we initiate the jump and other times we are pushed off with the pressing crowds.

And so I step off the cliff and trust there will be sure footing beneath my feet. I won’t look down, keeping my gaze level with the horizon where J’attends avec impatience the embrace of the sun lighting my dark world. I hope tomorrow brings answers I have sought over the past year. I hope tomorrow brings a confidence I have longed to call my own. I hope tomorrow brings a sanctuary where in I will ponder the next four weeks. I hope in tomorrow for hope is the only thing stronger than fear and it is cultivated with a thankful and expectant heart.

The gray blue of twilight whispers the coming night and the outline of darkened leaves dance in the breeze. I have been both on the mountain and on the water and my heart is full. It’s time to step off the cliff as well as out of the boat. I once heard a wise man say “ we often confuse walking on water with smooth sailing.” The miracle starts with a storm.