poised

 There are few moments in life when you know you are in the presence of great wisdom. Often it is not recognized until such moments have lapsed, however the experience lingers like a warm summer’s eve, wrapping itself around your soul, seeping into the recesses of your mind and soothing the anxiety. I’ve walked the past 3 years in search of such moments, hoping I would recognize them the instant they occurred and using them as soon as they were available. Each time, however, its not until hours or even days later the experience unfolds like a blooming lily and I am captured.

I’ve been lucky enough to be in the presence of such wisdom on a daily basis. With all my faults and frantic roaming in search of contentment and joy, I never beheld the gift that was before me. Fatigue and loneliness darkened my lenses; the fallacy of greener pastures whispered hollow promises to my aching heart.

I chose to go. I chose to let go of the thing I had. I chose to roll the dice one more time, risking everything I’d been gifted just to get the romantic world -view on to which I held, protective and defiant.

Perhaps I am giving up the thing I needed most. Or, perhaps I am now headed towards the thing for which I was designed. Such wisdom eludes me at present. And yet, tomorrow promises to be better than today; to hold the gaze of human experience with the sound of a beating heart. Such a thing cannot be taken from me; no, it can only guide my own wandering heart so tentative to step forward for fear of a wrong turn.

Regardless of what I chose, he said, be all in.

I am not yet all in, but I am poised to jump.